I try to keep my emotions in control; you usually won’t see me truly upset, sad, angry, etc. This is because I have a hard time conveying how I feel, especially verbally. I have a degree in English Writing for a reason. I seriously just suck at talking to people.
That being said, if I ever get into a heated argument, I don’t really know what to do. I start losing my grasp on the human language and instead, become a fiery ball of rage. I can’t convey how angry I feel with words and thus have a tenancy to become very physical instead. It’s the only way I know how to communicate just how hurt or angry I am.
I know this isn’t healthy and it can be traced back to the physical bullying I received as a child. I know the logical thing to do is see someone about it but I haven’t. It’s on the life to-do list.
However, because I know I tend to get physical, I will usually back down from an argument. I literally have to walk away because I’m afraid I might hurt the other person. So if somehow, we ever get into a heated argument and we’re in each others’ faces and I suddenly walk away, do not instigate me. It’s taking all of my willpower to not punch you in the face right then and there.
This isn’t meant to be a post thinking I’m hardcore or something equally stupid. I just needed to vent this because it’s a problem I know I have and I don’t want anyone to potentially get hurt. It also acts a helpful insight to who am I because I think many people have false ideals about me. I’m really just a girl with a lot of problems. =/